Finding the Bridesmaid Balance

I was on one of my Say Yes To The Dress binge tv marathons the other day, the bridesmaid version; and I spent most of the day with my jaw on the floor and a horrified look on my face.

I don’t know much about how weddings and bridal parties go down in the Southern Hemisphere, but there seems to be a huge divide between the USA and the UK/Ireland. So I thought I would wade in with my humble advice and opinion on what appears to be one of the most trickiest parts of planning a wedding.

Choosing your Bridesmaids

This is such a huge decision and one every bride wants to get right. Some brides have such a tight-knit group of girlfriends that they already know exactly who’s going to be in their bride tribe. Other brides stick with their sisters, whereas other brides may have many great friends from all different times and places in their life – it’s almost always this group of girls which are the hardest to bring together. Back in the very early days, brides got together a group of girls who looked similar to them, of a similar age and dressed them the same {even as the bride!} so that if any evil spirits came to whisk the bride away before she got to marry her groom, the spirits would be confused and hopefully bring off one of the bridesmaids instead of the bride! Being asked to be someone’s bridesmaid nowadays however, should be a huge honour and a joy, and less of a daunting job that fills you with {yes, financial} dread!

Photography by Ray Kang, robes from Plum Pretty Sugar

Asking your Bridesmaids

There are any amount of ideas out there of ways to ask your bridesmaids to be your bridesmaids, together with countless rhymes emblazoned across cups, t-shirts and jewellery. You could get lost for hours browsing through Pinterest alone! I think it’s a really nice touch to make this a special event, for you and some of your best friends and family. Taking the time to put together a really nice bridesmaid box can also give you some time to think about who you are asking and if it is a decision you will regret, or won’t be able to live without. Here is one of my favourite “Will You Be My Bridesmaid?” box ideas, which is really easy to put together with a personal touch that goes a long way. To achieve this, buy a nail varnish in the colour you think you’d like for your bridesmaids, throw a couple of your favourite photos of the two of you together in there, add a few fabric swatches of colours your thinking of for your bridesmaids. Finally, get some personalised artwork designed by artists on Etsy for a small amount of money, and then print it out at home; or for a more polished and professional look, at a photo printing booth. Bob’s your uncle!

Image found on Pinterest

The Hen/Bachelorette Party/Bridal Shower

USA vs UK & Ireland

Ok, so here is where things can get a little tricky. In the US, bridesmaids are expected to pay for the Bachelorette Party, entirely. Yup! Now it makes sense why American weddings have so many bridesmaids, to spread out the cost of paying for the Bachelorette party, catering, and accomodation/travel expenses etc. Not to mention that American bridesmaids are also expected to pay for their own dresses, hair and makeup trials, manicures, pedicures, tan etc., usually the shoes too and then the bride will often “gift” her bridesmaids their jewellery for the wedding day, as a thank you. Often {but not always} the bridesmaids also foot the bill for the bridal shower, and the multiple gifts they have to buy for the bride too. Personally I don’t think that’s morally right; as a bride you are the one getting married and this should not mean that your closest friends and family have to be {literally} thousands of dollars out of pocket. Thankfully this side of the pond things are a little more realistic and manageable for bridesmaids, and in my humble opinion, more balanced. Although I suppose you could say it’s just gone to the other extreme, as it’s the bride who pays for pretty much all the hair and makeup trials, manicures and pedicures, tan etc., as well as the dresses, shoes and jewellery for her bridesmaids. Hen Parties are usually a collective expense where each person chips in a small amount to cover the brides’ costs. We also don’t really have Bridal Shower’s either, sometimes we don’t even have a proper Engagement Party! I think in general, UK & Irish brides aren’t comfortable with being the centre of attention and are more modest than US brides, almost to the point of being mortified at having to sit down and be “showered” with gifts. We’ve only just come around to Engagement Shoots! As many an Irish Mammy would say, “don’t cause a fuss” and ” who does yer wun think she is?!” I can hear Mrs. Brown saying it now…

Photography by Chris Wojdak Photography via Storyboard Wedding

Finding The Balance

So, finding the bridesmaid balance; I think brides should strive for a happy medium. A wedding, celebrating two people who love each other, coming together to commit the rest of their lives to one another should not be an unnecessary financial burden on their friends and family. As a bride, you will have a vision that you want to strive towards, and that includes your bridesmaids dresses, hair, makeup etc. But this vision of what other people are going to wear and look like shouldn’t become an unnecessary financial burden for you either. I don’t think it’s morally right to ask your bridesmaids to pay for something you wouldn’t pay for yourself, and at the end of the day, it’s your wedding! The last thing you want is to cause stress and pressure on those closest to you who {for various reasons} may not be able to meet the financial requirements of being your bridesmaid.